COLUMNS

Thanks Mr. Prez for the Geithner Defense

DeWayne Bartels

   A lot of conservative Republicans don’t like Tim Geithner, but I love the guy. Geithner has a lot of potential for helping guys out.

   Geithner is our new secretary of the treasury.

   During the confirmation process, he faced severe criticism for not paying self-employment taxes while working as a contractor for the International Monetary Fund. 

   Geithner said it was an honest error made while calculating his taxes using a popular tax preparation software program. 

   I’d been making fun of the man, but suddenly realized, while reading a statement from the head of the Libertarian Party, that this guy is good news for me, and most men. 

   “Congress should give all taxpayers a Tim Geithner tax break by significantly simplifying the Internal Revenue Code,” Libertarian national committee chairman Bill Redpath said.

   Redpath said Congress

should make sure what happened to Geithner, a finance professional, won’t continue happening to millions of average folks.

   “If the man running the IRS can’t understand the tax code with a computer helping him, how can the average taxpayer hope to do his taxes without breaking the law?” Redpath asked.

   “This should be a clear signal the Internal Revenue Code is broken beyond repair and must be repealed. Millions of taxpayers hope this new administration will bring meaningful change to federal tax laws,” said Redpath.

   Redpath suggests Congress scrap the Internal Revenue Code and replace it with a fair, simple system that doesn’t require professional accountants or complex software. 

   Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares?

   What’s important is, Geithner is gold for guys.

His ineptitude is our salvation as men. I recently tried out what I call “The Geithner Defense.”

    I called on my daughter-in-law, Dawn, to help me with my laptop. I told her the computer was wireless Internet capable, but I am not wireless Internet interface capable.

   She rolled her eyes. That happens a lot.

   Dawn started jabbering on about LAN this and LAN that.    

   She said there was no button on the laptop, so she would have to find the key combination to turn on the wireless.

   She said it was quite simple for most people.

   That’s when I used that great line from “Blazing Saddles” — “Excuse me while I whip this out.”

   It was “The Geithner Defense.”

   “Now, how can you expect me to know how to do this if the man running the IRS can’t understand the tax code with a computer helping him. If Tim Geithner can’t do that, how can you expect me to know how to turn this wireless thing on? Hmmm. Hmmm, missy. Answer that?”

   Dawn looked at me and quite sincerely said, “Dad, what the hell are you talking about?”

   That happens a lot, too.

   I left her totally confused, and she completely forgot that I’m a technological idiot. 

   That’s one useful tool for a man to have in his arsenal when it comes to working with any woman in his life. 

   Maybe I need to work on my presentation a little, but you guys can see where I’m going with this.

   The possibilities are endless.

   Geithner could go down as one of the best things Obama could do for Republicans, men at least.